Why am I not allowed to feel upset and stand up and respond to the fact that someone spoke very poorly about me? Am I really supposed to just shut up and not feel it, address it, learn from it or speak up for myself?

I will fight for and protect what I love. Spirituality is not a fleeting fad for me. It is who I am deep down in my soul. And I have felt so much disgust for this space that I almost shut it down in my life altogether. I wanted to end my business, I was terrified to show up and share and speak publicly, and I came close to completely removing it from my personal life. Thankfully I worked through the disgust and embarrassment. And came to the realization that the dark gauntlet I had to endure was an initiation into my own leadership.

When ever I notice someone who is choking back what they really need to say, it feels all too familiar.

I am telepathically yelling them….LET IT OUT!

You need to for your emotional health. You need to because if you don’t, you will continue with this life long silencing of who you really are! And the last thing this world needs is for you to keep your voice, your wisdom, your needs, your truth, your creative expression locked away in a dictatorship vault.

We (gen x), have experienced the world through a new set of eyes in some ways. With the wisdom of the boomers and the mistakes of the boomers (and those before them). And from that, I like to think, we are driven to change and experience generational healing. AND to question things, of course. I think that’s a great wisdom to hold as well.

I am not going to fight to change someone. I will witness them and change myself. This is where we start to really change the world. Not by pointing fingers and constantly be appalled, but by our own inner work.

One sugary lick at a time, I came back to love.

The summer of 2024 was the summer of a thousand  ice cream licks, goats on a roof, fresh starts, new developments, confrontations, terrifying darkness, joy and beautiful friends. 

It was glorious. Sometimes the love was easy to see and sometimes, all could muster to feel, was the truth of the darkness. 

I still found myself eating ice-cream, like a little girl full of joy, while constantly sensing a feeling of terror of what bad thing may happen next. 

“You think you are better than people because of your last name.” I actually laughed a little and said “I don’t think Haygarth is the kind of name that people name drop, I just feel a deep connection to it and will not be changing it, when we get married.”

I knew as soon as that was said, I had to speak up. I could feel the energy of her. She had a need to make me wrong for my beliefs and my connection to my last name. I also knew this was her own wounding. So, I remained curious and compassionate, until it was time to speak very firmly and tell her to stop projecting her stuff onto me.

Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t meant it isn’t real.

And just because a psychic attack is a real potential, doesn’t mean, that is what is happening. You can’t blame everything on dark energy or someone or something else. Maybe you just ate some bad food, or just simply had a bad dream to cleanse your subconscious mind and that is why your body is sick or your dreams are dark.

I would say most people are more than skeptical about this subject. And most people do not want to face it because they can’t see it and they want solid tangible proof. I would also say, that some skepticism is healthy and proof comes in different forms when we are talking energy transfer and interpretations. Again, just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real. It very much is.

We give our divided attention to quick fixes and anything that wants to lend us a helping hand to become EVEN MORE disconnected, fragmented and shallow.

We think Instagram determines how great we are. How loved we are and how powerful we, and others are. We praise followers and devalue humility. We seek to be seen and adored by influencers and ignore the beauty around us and within us.

I know you feel betrayed by the community of “sisters” who, you thought, would remain by your side, even when you made mistakes.

I know you are confused by the unspoken expectations of perfection in your behaviour, while being told by the facades of their faces, ceremonies and words, that they will be there for you no matter what.

I know you feel like you have been left to die alone, and without the ones who are meant to hold you in your deepest, darkest moments.

The greatest convincer of evil intention, is disguised, and is masquerading as light and doing “good and right”.

I think we have lost track of what a community really is. I miss the time where community meant sending your kid down the street to grab a cup of sugar for your baking needs. Where basic needs like love and sugar were the exchange and support, not some self proclaimed know it all, who wants you and others to pay 10K and forget about your values in exchange for their love and sugar. Or some narcissistic grandiose guaranteed promise that they can make you the best, just like them, but 1st, you have to face ALL your wounds.