An empath boundary story

A true story

“You think you are better than people because of your last name.” I actually laughed a little and said “I don’t think Haygarth is the kind of name that people name drop, I just feel a deep connection to it and will not be changing it, when we get married.”

I knew as soon as that was said, I had to speak up. I could feel the energy of her. She had a need to make me wrong for my beliefs and my connection to my last name. I also knew this was her own wounding. So, I remained curious and compassionate, until it was time to speak very firmly and tell her to stop projecting her stuff onto me.

Honestly, it took me a lot of years to be able to speak up for myself, without either worrying how the other person felt, or without it coming from a triggered and wounded place. Usually, I was frozen in the fear that I would either hurt the persons feelings or I would somehow be in trouble for speaking up. So, as an empath, silence and people pleasing where my protectors. Until they weren’t. I knew they were no longer my protectors when I kept being faced with continual opportunities of confrontation.

I have a distinct memory from Grade 7, when I told the teacher it was wrong that he was taking away the entire classes gym time because one person behaved badly. He sent me to the principles office because I spoke up for what was right and for myself. I think that really stuck with me over the years and taught me to keep quiet in some way.

And in the last few years I have been tested in big ways when it comes to speaking up for myself and standing up to people, and no longer keeping quiet to people please or have a false sense of safety. It literally had come to the point where it was dangerous for me to stay quiet. I was losing myself badly. I knew something needed to change.

Injustice used to bother me so much. It really triggered me when I would notice people getting bullied or taken advantage of or blatantly lied to or manipulated. I dove into this trigger and explored it in depth as to why I was so triggered when I witnessed this. And what I realized was that it was because I felt like that; the victim of all those things. But the more important awareness was that, I was triggered because I never spoke up for myself. I was angry at myself for not having the courage to have the voice to speak up. I felt violated and disempowered. I lacked boundaries and I lacked courage when it came to potential confrontations that could occur from speaking up.

I knew it was time to find the courage to speak up and have the boundaries when necessary. It was time to elevate as an Empath.

To me, this meant, I could have boundaries and a voice, and communicate those from my heart with assertiveness and compassion. I made a commitment to myself then, that I wouldn’t laugh things off anymore, and act like it didn’t matter, when I was faced with a person who was being any of those ways towards me. I was crossing to many lines with myself.

The universe delivered on my commitment in a big way…”no fucking around this time Paula”, said the universe…..

When I did get presented with the moment to speak up and remain true to that commitment, all my fears came true.

I lost a deep connection I had with someone who was there in that moment.

I lost the secure place I was living at, and it cost me a lot of money.

Chaos came.

I did experience troubles and I was told I did something wrong.

All my fears came true. But I had to face them.

I knew I could do it, but it was daunting and exhausting.

And in the end it was beautiful and loving and so abundant.

We (my hubby and I), had less than 8 hours to find a new place to temporarily live that accepted fur babies. I had a very busy week of meetings that I had no power to cancel. In the chaos and fear, I hit a deer and wrecked my jeep, which left me with no transportation. Our accommodations were less than ideal and cost us thousands for a very short period. We were rejected, homeless and had a mountain of costly and time consuming things to take care of now.

We felt so alone. But Immediately God showed us we weren’t.

This experience also gave me the opportunity to see where I needed to improve my life. Who did I want in it, what kind of people do I want to be around, what and who really mattered to me, and how can I better take care of my needs so I feel secure. I learned to ask for help in ways I was terrified to do in the past. There was no getting through this one on our own. It wasn’t physically or financially possible with the time and logistics we were faced with.

It showed me to NEVER discredit my gut again, even if ignoring it makes your life seemingly easier….it doesn’t in the long run. You could say….I saw this coming, but my empathic heart wanted to get me to think otherwise. Still, I will choose to see how much I learned and gained from this. There is always medicine in the pain, bad choices, and chaos of life. You just have to be open to seeing the light in the dark.

It started raining love and abundance……

Within days, help from the least expected places came pouring in.

I didn’t realize it was happening so much at the time, because of the chaos and constant work and focus it took to make it through that couple weeks; but because I was in the process of evolving as an empath and human, and because I released a heaviness from my existence, I opened the door to abundance in many forms. Like new beautiful connections, and a deepening of the ones that really mattered to me, to help where were really didn’t expect it, massive business opportunities and growth, new creative ideas and focus and so much more. People showed up in our lives to help us and lend a hand like neither of us had ever experienced. That was so deeply healing for us both.

To the empath reading this:

May you know your courage

May you realize how powerful you really are

May you accept the medicine in the loss

Because you are worth tending to

May your boundaries be compassionate and assertive

May you know that your sensitivity isn’t a grounds for dumping on you

Be sensitive to yourself too

TRUST your gut….don’t avoid it, just to please other people.

Love an Empath

who found her voice

Paula