Speaking Truth
When ever I notice someone who is choking back what they really need to say, it feels all too familiar.
I am telepathically yelling them….LET IT OUT!
You need to for your emotional health. You need to because if you don’t, you will continue with this life long silencing of who you really are! And the last thing this world needs is for you to keep your voice, your wisdom, your needs, your truth, your creative expression locked away in a dictatorship vault.
I write this with my own personal pain of silencing myself. I have done it to make sure everyone else around me FEELS ok.
I have silenced myself on and off from a wounded place for many reasons in my nearly 49 years. YAY for my soon to be Pisces BIRTHDAY :) I love all birthdays!
I have done it out of fear of getting into trouble. From who? I honestly had to work really hard and go really deep to understand where this one came from. And I am still currently working on feeling safe to say what I want to say and need to say, in a way where I am expressing myself authentically and not from hurt or fear.
(Sharing Paula’s Journal is a practice that is helping me to get there).
Silencing myself. I have done it because I have constantly thought that no one understands me or that I don’t have anything of value to say. The last three plus years, I have done it out of fear of others getting hurt from the actual truth and for fear I will be targeted. It can be a tricky dance to know when it is time to speak and time to sit waiting for truth to come out in silence can’t it?
I have done it because I am worried about being judged for how I see the world.
Some times patient silence is needed and sometimes our silence comes from a wounded place.
We need to speak up and realize we are worthy to do so.
BUT
I am not talking about proving your point kind of speaking up and sharing. I am not talking about a forceful SPEAK YOUR TRUTH, that it is actually a lie you are telling yourself. I am not talking about sharing aggressively and saying “THIS IS MY TRUTH”, while you are telling lies and harming others.
I have seen far too many people saying this is my truth and it actually has nothing to do with their truth, but rather a twisted perception they have, that denies actual truth. But they say it is their truth because it forces a narrative that maintains their lie. When people are coming from this place, they are looking to prove their worth and seeking external validation, and maybe even trying to intentionally harm others in the process.
Your emotions and feelings aren’t necessarily your truth. I know, maybe you don’t like this. But it is true. Ponder it, and see what you come up with….
Speaking your truth has nothing to do with anything external in nature. Speaking your truth is about who you are, in essence. For example. My truth is that I have psychic tendencies. This is an essence about me. But the truth about this part of myself, is that I have some fear lingering about how I share that side of myself with the world and with my clients. (Maybe another blog topic ??). And my truth will never change, I will always have psychic qualities about me. But the way I handle them, will evolve constantly.
It is TRUE that I have lingering fear (emotional response) around being psychic, but it doesn’t make it true that I should have fear. Therefor, this is not my truth. The truth of this fear has evolved a lot since I was a child. But the truth of my psychic essence has never changed.
And when someone says their truth is that psychics are dark and are all charlatans, that is not true. It is their perception, instilled belief and maybe even experiences they have had. But it doesn’t make it my truth about being psychic or the truth. I know, I know….a little philosophically confusing. I hope you are picking up what I am laying down ;) or at least it has you questioning things in a healthy way.
I just know that it is not okay for you or for me to stifle our expression any longer. This year is asking us, this time in history is asking us, to speak from the heart, to speak authentically, to stand up for ourselves and who we are in essence.
Maybe all you need to say is:
I need more romance in my life
I want deeper connections
I wish I could grieve instead of pushing my feelings away
I don’t want to live my life this way any longer
I am sensitive and it is a beautiful thing
I can’t stand it when…….
I desire this thing in my life but it makes me feel guilty
I feel so much shame around….
I don’t feel worthy of a good life
I love it when…..
I know it is time for me to face…..
I am a glass half full Pisces dreamer for sure. I think most times humans have good intentions and that our world has the potential to be something much more loving than it currently is. I see the good easily. I have a utopian kind of truth to me.
I also have no shyness around looking at the darkness in the world and within humans.
I was sharing with a client the other day (who was practicing some of her astrology gifts), that most people don’t really know me, even if they think they do. Because I most often don’t share the side of me that has the ability to see and call out the darkness (in order for it to be transformed and healed). But when I get to know and trust people, they see what some would call the less “love and light side of me”.
I don’t mean in a dark black magic witchy kind of way (although, I have been publicly accused of this). I mean, I see when people are being that way; coming from their shadow or a dark side of intention.
I actually get a tad annoyed at the phrase Love and light.
It leaves out a major part of all humanity:
The shadow within. The darkness we all have to face. The creepy eerie stuff. The bad intentions. The twisted desires. The shit we deny. The lack of impulse control. The bad actors and fake ass faces of the charismatic liars. The dark forces we want to believe are not there. The hurtful intentions and psychic harm some people inflict. Yes, some people do this with twisted intentions.
There you have it, a piece of me that is truth.
I have a lot to say about this part of humanity. And it is definitely one topic I have kept relatively hidden from the public. It is not something I dwell on, but it is not something I care to deny about humans. And it is something that needs to be expressed, worked on, learned about and taken seriously. But we can also make light of these parts of ourselves. No need to shame ourselves and think we are broken wounded little birds who need someone to save us. It is okay to laugh at our twisted thoughts and desires sometimes. It takes the friction away from them and releases the power from them and puts the power back where it belongs….with you. The darkness really has no power when you laugh at it. I laugh at it all the time now. But I also take is seriously, by not putting my head in the sand and denying its existence.
I hope my random ramblings have found you at least a little more in touch with the truth of who you are.
Speaking up and speaking your truth are probably two different things. Do you think?
xoxo
Paula
Did you know I offer personal NUMINOUS sessions for spiritual challenges - specific to guidance on psychic attacks, and unseen positive and negative forces?